Dear ABC Family,
We need to talk. Specifically, we need to talk about your “13 Days of Halloween” programming schedule. When I was a kid, this was the best time of television. Creepy, funny, kid-appropriate (mostly) Halloween movies that alternately shocked and delighted. I haven’t had television reliably since I started college, so I missed a few years.
What the hell did you do?
This year, I was so excited– We have Tivo! I could record every Halloween movie and delight in them! And then I looked at the lineup. Pirates of the Caribbean? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Harry Potter? Fucking Bridge to Terabithia?!
What the shit is this? Since WHEN is Bridge to Terabithia a Halloween movie? Since when it is anything but heartbreaking?
Where are my Aadams Family and Aadams Family Reuinion ? Where is Beetlejuice? How about Casper? AND WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GREAT PUMPKIN?!
These movies are Halloween.
Dude, you’ve even stopped showing the crappy made-for-TV movies like Halloweentown and that one with the kids who are looking for a new mom in that underground market and end up saving the world form some sort of plotting monsters.
At least you fucking kept Hocus Pocus and Practical Magic.
I’m disappointed in you, ABC Family, I really am. I hope you don’t fuck up the “25 Days of Christmas” or there really will be hell to pay.